In Loving Memeory

Steven Hudges: I miss you. You were my first love. You taught me to wait through the hardest times, but now your gone. It has been almost 2 years. March 21, 2008. I dream nd think of you every night. I can still hear your voice. I was so inlove to a point now I will join you. You were only 17. You didn't deserve to die, you died the worst way. I still can't get the images out of my mind. I probably wont. I have to deal with all the shit I get for being called a liar. But when in love you don't care who or why they say it. I really miss you. 2 years and your gone. I don't know where your burried to even visit you. It is so cruel! I can't live with out those last words I heard. "I love you. I'm sorry. Tonight is the night I'm running", I told you not too! You where going to get caught, and you did. How could they have done that to you. You where so young, you were in love. We were each others first love. We waited together. We had so much waiting for us. We could have made it. Why did you go??!!? My gaurdian please. Please....

My love

So now I have to go tell my pshcartrist that nothing is wrong when all I want to do is scream and cry. I need to be dead. I lost Ana, Jessica M., Anthony, Casey, Sam, Chris, Jacob, Jordan, fuck I'm having to resort to being a lette. aka right now just a Prospect. WTF. I'm still living outside. I'm depressed. I'm upset. I can make other people happy, but then again they have a piece of me when I pass. I just have to soon, this world is to cruel for me. I'm just done. I just need to think of a way.

I wait for a savour who cares

I wait for the time I wake up and smile

I wait for you to be there

I wait for her to come back

I wait for the bars to open up

I wait...

I wait

But my love I can't anymore

I can't be so broken and waiting

I love you my dearest, but to my self

I owe a promise

So my dear close your eyes and forget

Just a nightmare in a dream

My love....

Well.....

Well as you can read it didn't work out so well. I'm doing okay now upset that he blew me off. Saw Sherlock Holmes, good moive, but wasn't really watching or paying attention. I do honestly lov my friends, just lately I don't want to be around anyone. I fcuking hate my life and just want to die. How can a urge be so strong on death. I tried to kill myself again. I took alot of nyquil and passed out with a plastic bag over my face. but later i found out my dad took the bag of my head! I was so close I could just see it. Now at school I have to fake even more. I hate it, I can honestly say  hate it. I'm so tierd of being the one breaking. No one cares. Anthony told me off because when ever me and him talk its about me getting him a free pack. That gets so annoying after a while. I'm so tierd of laying back and faking it all the time.