12- 17- 09

I came back from the hospital and nothing has changed. I'm still cutting, drinking, burning, erasing, and try to kill myself. My nephew got away with everything!! I'm so destroyed, this why I didn't open up my mouth. Then the guy who said would always listen, I fell in love with, but not meant to be I guess. I' breaking so quietly I don't even have brought suspicions to my dreams. I can't handle being in this house with him. How can me the victim be under punishment and then be told I'm the rapist when a girl can't be!!! How can I not cry every night and cut when I don't feel safe in my own house! I'm so close to falling again, this time I wont show the signs. Plus my parents or aka my mom wont let me hang out with anyone who knows about what my older nephew did to me! Which is messed up!!! Why me!?! Fucking hate this cruel world. Then now I'm raising my little nephew who is 9. My sister is a bitch to him so I told her off and he stays with me 24/7. I can't leave him, but I can't stop crying. He has ADHD and his dad flipped when he heard this. He doesn't believe in using medication so now since his son is on it he disowned him! Then his brother beats him, treats him like a slave, and is an ass to him. Now he sleeps in my room so I can watch him. I pick him up from school, help him get his work done, feed him, and go to the parents teacher meetings to know if something going wrong or great. Now since it's close to Christmas I have been saving my money so I can get him a nice gift. I have two jobs. I'm taking on so much responsibility that I shouldn't have! Please who ever reads this know that even if I don't know you I love you, I really do. I would have done anything to make you happy and have meet you. So my darling I have to go.

In memories of my ex baby Bayleigh  http://www6.zippyshare.com/v/89784630/file.html
Hope you can be happy as more with out me.

Anthony I'm happy you cared. I do regret pissing you off so much, just had to make sure you could forget me easily. I really do like you, but your right you don't need a relationship. I hope you can find a girl.

Ana i will miss my Chipparrot but we know it would come to this and I'm sorry. Please remeber I love you and so does graham. Never don't this in stake of my memory.

Cameron, Graham, Dilbo, and Matt (GOD) thank you for always caring and being there for me. You are my brother forever.

Rain, Sierra, Allison, Jessica,  Erica, and Gabby Never forget to keep your head held high and never doubt the possibilities. I love you guys.